The Last Post

I wrote this to my buddy Graeme in Ontario tonight after he commented on the last post:

Hola, Tough day, surprisingly tough day. I expect some on the planet would think we are soft, but gosh, let me elucidate.

My dad's oldest sister, Margaret Weldon, born eleven days after the sinking of the Titanic, died on January 5th this year, her daughter Jean told me that they put her on the "Liverpool Pathway" at the end, she had major arthritis problems, could not use her hands, had little dignity left, and as Jean said "she was ready to go"

Back way almost twelve years ago, my dad was on the same pathway, a medical cocktail designed to remove pain and to "shut down" a human. I knew it, my brother knew it, dad had no idea...

I said to the vet today as Bill was relaxing on a blanket, last time I experienced this, it was my dad. He had asked the pair of us if we had ever experienced this before (and he was stuck for words about exactly what it was because of the ridiculous nature of our sensitive society) and I said I saw the same process with dad.

Today was not all about the cat, there was a fair bit of baggage.

William, great cat. Loads of brilliant mini-events in the over seventeen years. I told Karen almost in the first six months that it was a responsibility and one day we would have to make this decision, I saw my dad wait too long on an animal, Karen's parents probably did the same at some point. I think we did too to tell the truth, but we decided last September to give William a chance, it didn't work out, we blew the cats budget for 2011 and in effect we extended his life by little to nothing. I do think he had two or three months after his surgery when he was a mad rascal again, played like a kitten for a few weeks, but then things progressed over the winter and the last few weeks have been hell for him. It was time to let him have his own little pathway.

Fascinating day in some respects, the pair of us, absolutely bulletproof, apparently not.

Digging a hole together in the yard, taking turns to lose it, dig it deep, don't want the wildlife digging him up, absolutely human moments over a sprite of a kitten, a realization that we are really not as tough as we think.

Tonight, wine of course, some reflection, silly moments.

I still expect Bill to pop in and demand attention at any moment.